you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
