Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
