Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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