Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
