How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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