Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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