Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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