You really coming over, don't trick.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
