My girlfriend figured out who you are.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
