Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize