Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
