My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
