Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
