Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize