Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
