Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
