You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
