I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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