I wish I only lived at night.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize