Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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