You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize