I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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