I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Watching her eat just hurts me
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
