I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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