oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Well I just put wine in my tea
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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