this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
