the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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