Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
