At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Sorry about my life...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
