So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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