Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
and she was petting her beer can
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
