if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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