I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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