capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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