you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize