Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
