a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
