Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
