No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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