HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
