I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
