I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
