When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
