Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
