You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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