I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
