You made me cry and you don't even care
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
