I just pynch a tree in the face
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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