Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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