I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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