Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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