I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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