Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
