We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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