I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
