it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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