can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize