You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize