This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
