I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
