Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
