White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
