He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
