i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you would pick up someone in the library
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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