We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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