She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
