ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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