so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
