I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
