It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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