It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
